I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
