...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
