just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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