I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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