we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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