I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
