I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
