I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
