You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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