Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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