the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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