I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize