your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
