he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
