she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
