i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
