Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
