Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
