I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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