my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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