remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
