Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
