Just cropdusted the office
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
