If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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