hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
