i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
