Sry I called you an 8
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
