We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize