you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize