the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
