There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
