you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
