well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
