On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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