Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
