I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
