just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
