Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
