some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
