why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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