remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
