She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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