I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
