I must be too annoying 4 u.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
