Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
