Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
