in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
