I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
