it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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