her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
