The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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