Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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