just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize