does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
