the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
