dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
