If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
