I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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