i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize